Six Flags Elitch Gardens Thinks Paying Customers Want to Swim in Garbage

Six Flags Elitch Gardens, the flagship property of the outstanding and beloved chain, recently announced a most unusual activity: Swimming in Dumpsters Filled With Disgusting Waste. The promotional activity, described in great detail at the park�s webpage, was created by SFEG management under the bizarre assumption that park guests would enjoy floundering in half-eaten chilidogs, sticky candy wrappers, rotted lettuce, and vomit.

�We are proud to announce this fabulous Xtreme new activity, which is totally free with paid admission to the park itself,� said park rep Graham Heatherdowns. �We�ll have prizes provided by Coke and the park, including season passes, passes to upcharge attractions, and half-gnawed peach pits, and we toss these things into an unspeakably filthy dumpster that smells like Satan pinched a loaf all over it. We know our patrons will especially enjoy breaststroking through raw tons of foul murk to find these superb prizes. And they might find a chunk of still-edible funnel cake, too!�

Eying a youngster poised uncertainly and reluctantly at the edge of the Swimming in Dumpsters Filled With Disgusting Waste attraction, Heatherdowns yelled out to him angrily, �Get in there you big furry oaf, I don�t care what you smell!�

--JCK

Posted at 1:30 AM | Link | 0 comment(s)

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