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All information guaranteed absolutely accurate or your money back.

Still here. But mostly in 140 characters.
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Sunday, May 25, 2003
 
We Were Funny All Weekend, Too.

While you were out grilling or remembering those who went before us or whatever, we were evidently sitting around thinking of wacky wacky coaster-related stuff. So scroll down and see not just "Winona Ryder Busted Again," but also "Coaster Zombies to Protest End-of-Ride Brakes on SFA's Roar," and "Universal Announces New 'Mommy' Ride." And if you're reading this and these articles don't appear on this page, just go to the archive.

Also, if you're going to SRM or any other event, if you send us a photo of yourself at such an event wearing ARN&R merchandise, or completely covered in gravy, we'll send you something free. That "something" may suck, but it'll be something. If you are wearing ARN&R merchandise and are completely covered in gravy, we'll send you two somethings for free.

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Copyright 2002-2009 Absolutely Reliable News & Rumors.

By the way, in case you're really not too sharp, this is satire.

Our favorite review: "as a joke it [ARN&R] wasn't that funny. all of my family take parks very seriuslyand all thow we laffed after time we were apoled by the joke."

Anything you e-mail us is fair game to go on the site or to be used in any other way, including printing it up real big and posting it outside AbsolutelyReliableTowers.

Sorry, your IQ must be this high and your age at least 18 to be among the intended readers of ARN&R. Please enjoy some of our other attractions.

We like gravy and the occasional buffet. The greatest thing ever, however, would be a gravy buffet.