|
On Twitter Current Archive Contact Us Boycott Us Stalk Us Give Us Money Atom Feed
All information guaranteed absolutely accurate or your money back.
|
- - -
Monday, June 30, 2003
ARN&R Exclusive: TTD to be Replaced ARN&R has learned in an exclusive story that Cedar Point has decided to tear down its troubled Top Thrill Dragster launched coaster by the end of July. "Yep, a few weeks of downtime made us realize that it just wasn't worth the trouble," said Dick Kinzel, head of Cedar Fair, Cedar Point's parent entity. To replace TTD, Cedar Point has tentatively settled on the world's largest, fastest, tallest, and most futuristic Dippin' Dots Ice Cream of the Future stand, backed up against a similarly huge Old Time Pictures stand. In a draft press release obtained by ARN&R, Kinzel is quoted as saying, "If you thought Top Thrill Dragster was intense during its fifteen hours of operation, just wait until you see this ice cream! It's XTreme!" The stands will likely be rebranded. Rather than being identified simply as "Dippin' Dots Ice Cream of the Future," it will now be "XDippin XDots: XTreme Thrill X Cream of the XTreme Future," and the Old Time Pictures stand will likely offer the opportunity, through advanced digital technology, for patrons to have a picture taken so that they appear to be standing atop a 420-foot coaster, one that Cedar Point describes as "fantastical" and "so crazy as to be fictional." Enthusasts were ecstatic over the news. "Once again, Cedar Point raises the bar," wrote ThrillNetwork regular MeanLeak. "I just can't wait to see what those poseurs at Magic Mountain do in response to this. Pure brilliance." Posted at 9:19 AM | Link | 0 comment(s)
|
By the way, in case you're really not too sharp, this is satire.
Our favorite review: "as a joke it [ARN&R] wasn't that funny. all of my family take parks very seriuslyand all thow we laffed after time we were apoled by the joke."
Anything you e-mail us is fair game to go on the site or to be used in any other way, including printing it up real big and posting it outside AbsolutelyReliableTowers.
Sorry, your IQ must be this high and your age at least 18 to be among the intended readers of ARN&R. Please enjoy some of our other attractions.
We like gravy and the occasional buffet. The greatest thing ever, however, would be a gravy buffet.
0 Comment(s):
Post a Comment