Still here. But mostly in 140 characters.
- - -

Monday, August 04, 2003
 
Golden Opportunity Wasted

Virulent despisers of ARN&R made a tremendous error Sunday, sources tell ARN&R. Apparently, the Editor-in-Chief and a longtime writer and occasional assistant editor for the blog were both viewed enjoying the rides at Six Flags New England this Sunday, yet no apparent attempts on their life were made.

�It seemed unwise for us to be seen together at a public venue, particularly an amusement park where we might be recognized by ACE and Coasterbuzz lunatics intent on ending our snippy and sarcastic ways,� said the Editor-in-Chief. �However, we bravely went forward into the pit of terror that is Six Flags New England without any bodyguards or fully automatic armaments.�

�We�re just f&$king studs to show balls like that,� added the mildly inebriated JCK. �Considering all that hate mail and the random death threats we receive, we could�ve cowered in shame, wetting our pants, but instead we hung out together and acted like coaster tools for the day. Take that, bee-yatches!�

Haters of the site are apparently livid. �Aw, crap. How did we miss sending an assassination squad after them?� asked ACE Happy Special Benevolent Friend for Life Carole Sanderson. �I�d love to work that burr out of my ass. Another time, ARN&R scum, another time�.� She then cackled shrilly.

�Thouse assholes beign too stuopid I hate thems why we not findig them to get ride if?� read a statement from lawyers representing the Coaster Preservation Club and Gordon Beeferman.

Inside sources report that the sources may or may not appear together at amusement parks sometime in September. The wet work squads of the American Coaster Enthusiasts and the CPC are said to be in intense training in the case that this information proves to be true.

--JCK

Posted at 2:24 AM | Link | 0 comment(s)

0 Comment(s):

Post a Comment

- - -



Google
Web absolutelyreliable.com   

[Powered by Blogger]


Copyright 2002-2009 Absolutely Reliable News & Rumors.

By the way, in case you're really not too sharp, this is satire.

Our favorite review: "as a joke it [ARN&R] wasn't that funny. all of my family take parks very seriuslyand all thow we laffed after time we were apoled by the joke."

Anything you e-mail us is fair game to go on the site or to be used in any other way, including printing it up real big and posting it outside AbsolutelyReliableTowers.

Sorry, your IQ must be this high and your age at least 18 to be among the intended readers of ARN&R. Please enjoy some of our other attractions.

We like gravy and the occasional buffet. The greatest thing ever, however, would be a gravy buffet.