Still here. But mostly in 140 characters.
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Sunday, December 07, 2003
 
ARN&R Staff Still Alive

We've been receiving an onslaught of mail here at the Absolutely Reliable Mail Room, inquiring whether everything is okay, seeing as we didn't post any material from Wedensday morning until late this afternoon. Well, okay, one person sent an email asking if we were alive. Just one. We can tell how much you care. It's touching, really.

But yes, we are fine. One of the editors is still busying himself with work down in the sumptious glory of Mississippi, while the other one was just in Vermont for the last several days, with his car buried under snow drifts as tall as him, blockaded by a veritable wall of nature from getting to any public computers and amusing the snowbound masses with witty articles about gravy and masturbation. Or something.

But we can only be restrained for so long. The Editor in Chief left a nice new article for you today, and the Assistant Editor is back in force as of late this evening. And he'll be trying to find a way to write an amusement park story that also includes a scathing missive about how much Vermont sucks moist donkey balls when it comes to keeping its stupid highways sanded and plowed properly.

--JCK

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Copyright 2002-2009 Absolutely Reliable News & Rumors.

By the way, in case you're really not too sharp, this is satire.

Our favorite review: "as a joke it [ARN&R] wasn't that funny. all of my family take parks very seriuslyand all thow we laffed after time we were apoled by the joke."

Anything you e-mail us is fair game to go on the site or to be used in any other way, including printing it up real big and posting it outside AbsolutelyReliableTowers.

Sorry, your IQ must be this high and your age at least 18 to be among the intended readers of ARN&R. Please enjoy some of our other attractions.

We like gravy and the occasional buffet. The greatest thing ever, however, would be a gravy buffet.