Old Town Opens Shakira

To battle the new Busch Gardens Tampa investment SheiKra, Old Town in Kissimmee, Florida has promised Shakira for the 2005 season. PR Director Steve Stern said, �Sure that park has a multi-million dollar investment, but we have Shakira.�

For hours worthless enthusiast boards buzzed about what the new attraction could be. Was it a hyper coaster? Was it a gigantic flume? Was it a Vegas-style revue featuring the ass-shaking singer herself?

�We looked at every exciting ride on the market today and bought a Vekoma SLC,� said Stern. �It will be there �Whenever, Wherever,� get it, just like her song. Jesus, I'm clever.�

Walking with Stern we saw where Old Town plans to put the new ride. We also asked some locals about their thoughts on naming a ride after the two-hit wonder. Most had never heard of the singer, but one enthusiastic man in a Florida Coaster Club t-shirt lit up when her name was mentioned.

�Yeah, I LOVE Shakira,� said 28 year-old Timothy Stubbins of Tampa. �I pleasured myself to that song of hers during Robb Alvey�s coaster video,� the disturbing man continued.

This reporter encourages all IAAPA attendees to get down to Old Town ASAP so they can get �underneath the restraints� of the new coaster.

Shakira could not be reached for comment.

--FMB

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