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Wednesday, November 03, 2004
Sweet, Sticky Dreams Steve Hallinski had a problem. Well, to most people, he has several problems, but Hallinski doesn't consider "backne" or a penchant for Dirty Sanchezes things to take issue with. No, the recent trouble was that the ACEr didn't know how he would split his time at the "ACE Lost Weekend in Las Vegas." The issue was simple: Hallinski loves to ride coasters (he owns a "We Ride All Year Shirt" despite not being a member of the Florida Coaster Club), but he also likes to eat. "The buffets call to me like sweet sirens of love," the fat man sighed. "I didn't know how I would be able to ride without them." Fortunately for members like Hallinski, ACE created a new solution just in time for the event. "We call it the ACE Feedbag," said ACE Queen of Thunder Carole Sanderson. "They are cute and personalized. You can sew patches on, put your Disney pin collection on the side or even give it a mullet. I call mine Mr. Twinkles." When the big day in Vegas came Hallinski was ready. At seven in the morning he had Cocoa Puffs and milk strapped into the bag while rolling back and forth on the Stratosphere's X-Scream attraction. The plump enthusiast had chosen to decorate his feedbag with patches of Kennyood's Phantom's Revenge because the logo was just "that f*cking cool." When talking about the Vegas event, Hallinski said the following with reverence: "There is nothing like looking out over the Vegas strip as sweet chocolaty goodness sloshes around in your mouth." Wiping back a tear he continued, "It is a beautiful thing, I owe Jesus one." --FMB Posted at 8:28 PM | Link | 0 comment(s)
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By the way, in case you're really not too sharp, this is satire.
Our favorite review: "as a joke it [ARN&R] wasn't that funny. all of my family take parks very seriuslyand all thow we laffed after time we were apoled by the joke."
Anything you e-mail us is fair game to go on the site or to be used in any other way, including printing it up real big and posting it outside AbsolutelyReliableTowers.
Sorry, your IQ must be this high and your age at least 18 to be among the intended readers of ARN&R. Please enjoy some of our other attractions.
We like gravy and the occasional buffet. The greatest thing ever, however, would be a gravy buffet.
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